I hope you're putting to good work secrets 1 and 2.
And now let's keep going.
You have some changes you'd like
to see in your spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a betting man,
I'd guess your spouse has some ideas too!
So what are you waiting for? Are
you waiting for your spouse to make the first move? Are you waiting for your
spouse to be more open to it? Are you waiting to feel love?
Most people think that the
FEELING of love comes BEFORE we express love. And in the beginning of a
relationship, that's what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do acts of
love. Your feelings inspire your actions.
But
mature love asks more of you. To create a strong LASTING marriage, you first
CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.
After
all, you don't jog two miles or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel
healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes
to your marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!
Last
time we talked about the act of talking and touching. This time we're going to
talk about "giving."
Once
upon a time, when you fell in love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you
probably enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you felt through your
giving. Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted?
Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?
WITHIN
THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your spouse a gift. Now here's the key. It can't be
just any gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important
part of a present is that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to
you. This is not a matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.
What
gift would tickle the soul of your spouse? What could you buy or make for your
spouse that would show how much of YOU went into the gift? Don't just buy
anything. Make sure it's your spouse's favorite color, made in their hometown,
or something they mentioned last week.
Stick
with this for a minute, Samuel. This takes some deep thought, but I promise
that if you make a habit of this kind of giving it will TRANSFORM YOUR
MARRIAGE.
What
could you give your spouse that would make them glow and look at you with
intense appreciation? Did they recently mention they wanted something? What's
your spouse's favorite dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite sports team (tickets
to a game)? Favorite author (new book)? Favorite musician?
I
spent a few minutes in a phone "laser" session (a benefit of the
Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp) with a man exploring what one gift would
"light up" his wife. We figured it out and, in retrospect; he
believes that giving that gift shifted the momentum of their marriage.
Inside
your spouse is a child that wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most
people, he/she does NOT feel understood even by you. When you get the right
gift for your spouse, they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the
giver. When you give someone a gift that says, "I know you, I understand
you," you can "melt" them.
This
is one of the things we work on in the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp; how to
discover the one gift that will change the momentum of your marriage. And, how
to get your spouse TO WANT to give that gift TO YOU too.
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