The
most commonly reported relationship problem by far is communication. This may
be one of the broadest and most difficult terms to define with regard to
relationships. It tends to have many different meanings to each of us. For the
purposes of this explanation I define it as "Mis-Understanding".
Literally,
this means not understanding the other person's point of view. This is often
more a matter of refusing to allow the existence of the other's view as opposed
to not understanding it! It is an unwillingness to take the time to genuinely
listen and care to understand.
In
many relationships the interest seems to lie primarily in getting one's own
point of view heard and understood rather than having an interest in hearing
and understanding the others’. There is an irony here worth looking at . . . If
people cared to listen to the other person with as much interest as he or she
wished the other would listen to them, both would end up receiving exactly what
they are looking for! To truly know another, we must be willing to see the world
through their eyes, not simply our own. If we listened as well as we spoke,
really connecting would take care of itself . . .
A
frequent cause of mis-understanding in relationships is unresolved baggage from
youth. Now I know many of you are thinking, "How could events and
experiences from years ago have any impact on how and what I communicate to my
family in the present?" Trust me . . . it can and it does.
For
example, if a person grew up in a loud, violent or abusive environment, that
person's response to conflict, arguing, or confrontation, would be
significantly different than a person whose home environment was skilled and healthy
at conflict resolution. As a rule, in relationships, "like attracts
like". So it is common for folks who share poor conflict
resolution skills to find and attract someone who has similarly limited skills (often
without any awareness that this is what they've done). In these relationships
there will be plenty of communication . . . just not the type which leads to
any useful resolution!
This
is just one simple example of how old baggage can follow us in ways we may not
be conscious of. There are many more including your preconceived ideas and
experiences regarding sexuality, the proper way to raise children, how you
relate to and handle money, and self-esteem issues.
Sometimes when we're in bed with our partner, it can be
really crowded with invisible and unwanted visitors.
STAY TUNED!!!! STILL TO COME ON SAME TOPIC
STAY TUNED!!!! STILL TO COME ON SAME TOPIC
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