Are you a hedgehog or a fox? Bet
you never thought about it. But it's an important question to answer if you
want to save and restore your marriage. Keep reading, I'll explain why and I'll
help you figure out which you are.
In his essay "The Hedgehog
and the Fox," based on an ancient Greek parable, Isaiah Berlin describes
how different people approach problems. Some people are like foxes; they know
many things. Other people are like hedgehogs; they know one big thing.
A fox is a clever animal able to
devise many tactics for attacking the hedgehog. Every day the fox looks like he
has another brilliant strategy to finally win his prey.
The hedgehog, on the other hand,
is a slow boring creature whose defense is the same no matter how the fox
attacks. Every day the fox thinks, "Aha, now I've got you." But every
day, no matter what approach the fox takes, no matter where he strikes from, no
matter what time of day it is, as soon as the hedgehog senses danger he thinks,
"Here we go again," and he rolls up into a little ball, extends his
sharp spikes, and spoils the fox's best laid plans.
Berlin
explained that some people (foxes) see the world in all its complexity. Their
approach constantly changes depending on the circumstances, but they never
develop a unified vision.
Other
people (hedgehogs), on the other hand, simplify the complexity of the world
into one principle - one basic idea that determines their every move.
Now
don't misunderstand. Hedgehogs are not simpleminded. On the contrary, their
understanding of the world is so profound that they're able to identify the
most fundamental elements. You know, simple but not simplistic. Can you get any
more basic than E = mc squared? Can you get any more brilliant?
Insightful
right? But what in the world does this have to do with your marriage?
Everything!
Everyone
has problems, issues, and challenges in their marriage. Yours may even be
severe. And you will no doubt face a variety of problems over the years.
You
might think that for each new problem, you need a new solution. But you don't!
Think like a hedgehog not a fox. Remember, for a hedgehog THE SOLUTION IS
ALWAYS THE SAME.
Some
radio and television shows are hosted by relationship experts who have guests
or allow people to call-in to share their problems. It's fascinating the myriad
of problems that couples face. What's equally fascinating is the host's ability
to find unique solutions for all the different problems.
It
makes for an interesting show, but it's just not that complicated. The ultimate
answer to every problem is the same - love. LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR
MARRIAGE, and all marital problems stem from a lack of it. Got a problem? You
don't need a solution. You need more love. LOVE IS YOUR SOLUTION!
Sound
hokey? I know it does. Think about it though. Remember when you fell in love?
What problems did you have then? Hardly any, right? Because you had love!
You
know that little thing your spouse does with their eye brow or the corner of
their mouth? Remember how you used to think it was so cute? Then one day it
became annoying, right? Why? Your spouse used to be thrifty and now your spouse
is cheap. WHAT CHANGED? Your love changed - that's what changed! And the
solution to that annoying problem (and all your problems!) is to rebuild your
love.
The
problem in most marriages is the way the couple (and sometimes the counselor)
sees the problem. Samuel, if you see your problems as the problem; that's your
problem.
Once
people join the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp and begin a dialogue with me,
their first inclination is to ask me for a solution to their marriage problems.
My solution is for them to institute a series of relationship habits that
slowly but surely builds a new foundation for their marriage.
Fixing problems and developing
communication skills can lead to small incremental changes in your marriage.
But if you want to transform your marriage, if you want to make a quantum
change, you have to implement a pattern of new relationship habits. You have to
create love.
People get all bogged down in the
negativity of trying to solve their problems. It's no fun and it's not
productive. The crucial question in marriage, is NOT how to solve your
problems; it's how to create love.
Your problems probably seem
complex. But the good news is that the solutions are simple. Be a hedgehog.
Focus on building your love. That will solve ALL your problems.
I hope the insights and tips I've
given you in this report help improve your marriage...it has mine.
TRUST YOU FIND IT EASIER TO RESTORE LOVE AGAIN RIGHT? WE APPRECIATE YOUR INTEREST IN THIS TOPIC.
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